i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
