i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
