dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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