I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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