Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
