I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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