I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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