Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
