Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm at about main and main street
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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