so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Couch. On fire.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize