I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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