i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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