you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
