This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
