do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
