it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
