i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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