Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
