i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
