I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
