Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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