Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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