the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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