I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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