It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
