And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
