Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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