yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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