She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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