Non-Jews are for practice
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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