Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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