Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
