i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
