i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
