Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Houston, we have a blender
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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