So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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