im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
