I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
