New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
