Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I enjoy the company of your penis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
