batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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