is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
