I wanna passion pit in your ass
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
