Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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