There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
