Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Randomize
