yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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