found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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