Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
