forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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