The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
