First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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