You made me cry and you don't even care
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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