the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
