he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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