apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
