He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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