Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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