so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
