i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
