Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
