It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know her cup size but not her name....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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