Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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