So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
