Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
