Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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