we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
