what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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