I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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