We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
