So drunk its hurt
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
