what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
