the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
