So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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