So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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