Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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