if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize