Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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