i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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