I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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