God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
