they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
