Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
That's intense
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
