We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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